AITA for refusing to go to Thanksgiving after being snubbed by in-laws?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Spiritual-Alarm-7455 on 2023-11-18 19:00:06+00:00.

I live about 10 miles away from my in-laws, and typically everyone does their own thing for Thanksgiving each year. Last year after Thanksgiving, several family members expressed interest in doing a larger gathering next year. My husband and I agreed and offered to host everyone (parents-in-law and two sisters-in-law and their partners/kids) at our home. Everyone was on board and we went ahead through the year fully prepared and excited to host. We checked in with everyone several times in the months leading up to make sure they were still on board and to work out who would bring what.

Cut to about a week ago: my sister-in-law calls my husband out of the blue to inform him that Thanksgiving would be moving to their mom's (my mother-in-law) house because she said it's more centrally located, has more room, and because her three children (ages 16, 20, and 22) don't want to drive "all the way" out to our house...10 miles away. Then, she told him that we are "welcome to come."

I am not exaggerating when I say that it takes approximately 15 minutes to drive from their town to ours. Also, our house is actually twice the size of my mother-in-law's house. We didn't buy a turkey because my sister-in-law said she had one she could bring.

My husband was very hurt by this decision and doesn't want to go to his mom's house for Thanksgiving. I'm hurt, too, as are our two children (12 and 18). We were all excited to host and are disappointed that there was an entire group conversation and decision made, and no one reached out to ask us if that would be ok before just making the decision.

None of us are in the mood to go to the family Thanksgiving now, and suspect that there's more to the story than what my sister-in-law is saying. None of us feel welcome at this point, and we let the rest of the family know that we would not be attending.

Are we the assholes for not attending Thanksgiving because our feelings are hurt about the change in venue?