Bipolar Disorder ChihuahuaOfDoom • 19h ago • 89%

Alright, fine, I'm bipolar, aka I'm living for me now, aka, the prettiest princess, aka, my peacock phase.

I am still manic so please forgive me but I am on the comedown. I just wrote 3 pages in Word trying to tell my story but I couldn't express myself correctly so I'll boil it down. I've been manic for up to the last month and a half or was manic, crashed and am manic again. I tried to kill myself 13 days ago using (a fuckton of) pills. I very nearly succeeded. I am home and healing. Yesterday my sister was listening to me talk and broke the spell by just asking "have you considered you might be manic?". For the first time in 40 years I acknowledged that, yes, I was manic, it explained nearly everything very neatly and that meant I was actually bipolar. I am ready to heal. While I've been out of the hospital, I was asked by my wife if this was her fault "do you not want to be with me?", we've been together more than half my life, "no, I'm sorry you thought that, I didn't want to be with me." I've been unpacking why, trying to direct my energy to something productive instead of the constant masturbation and weed smoking I want to do. (With the help of others) I've began to understand. When I was a kid I used to bleach and dye my hair, I would wear cut-offs, fishnets, Doc Martens, running around with green hair and a band tee (I'm a cis-man BTW). I got made fun of. I conformed for my own comfort, I eventually entered the service, and when I got out I continued masking for 17 years until I exploded. I've always let through little bits of my true personality, when it was time for new sun glasses a few years ago I got the largest pair of aviators I could find in the store and made sure they were gold with the darkest tint available. I have an affinity for the loudest shoes I can find, I have a pair of brooks that are bright yellow, at work, people call them my tennis-ball sneakers. Once or twice a week I like to wear magenta scrubs (I get made fun of and the next day I come back in blue or gray), I used to parade around my house in skirts I picked up at the thrift-store and I "joked" with my wife that when we renew our vows, I get to wear the dress. (Did I mention I'm cis? I promise I am). But I've never owned it and let my freak flag fly, I've always protected my feelings, stuck in my own head "what will people think?" has been my mantra. That nearly killed me. So I acknowledged who I really am, I shaved my wild, unkempt beard, I got my left ear piercing re-done and had my right ear done to match, I dyed my hair a lurid blue. I have not gotten any tattoos though I now know that, in the future when I have the money, I will. I don't currently have plans to cross dress again, that may have been a phase or not but if I want to in the future, guess who's going skirt shopping? When I made my attempt I was a broken man in his early 40s with nothing I could see to live for, when I return to work, I will be a broken man in his early 40s with a future. When I go back it will be in my magenta scrubs, with my tennis-ball yellow shoes, my blue hair, and my piercings. Fuck what people think. I'm (hopefully) done guarding my feelings, masking my true self, a peacock who wants to be the prettiest princess at the ball. I have a lot to work through with my counselor but I'm excited for that, I am now on a path of discovery and I'm excited to re-discover who I truly am. And, for the record, when my wife and I renew our vows, I get to wear the dress.

Subaru ChihuahuaOfDoom • 2mo ago • 100%

My 2010 ej20x swapped Forester

Just picked up yesterday evening, unfortunately it has a CEL I have to sort out and she's a little rusty underneath but otherwise she seems fine.

ems ChihuahuaOfDoom • 2mo ago • 78%

If you're doing CPR, the next person takes over and then the sternum pops...

You're doing it wrong.

Trees ChihuahuaOfDoom • 3mo ago • 91%

Music choices while elevated (9/10)

Alright, normally when imbibing I'm listening to Tool, Floyd, Muse, Rush, etc. But let me tell you, The Very Best of Garth Brooks bangs, it's making me want to move. So, any other suggestions for music that might not be deep but hits different while having a good time?

Buffalo Bills ChihuahuaOfDoom • 3mo ago • 100%

Anyone going to training camp tomorrow (7/29)?

Just got my hands on a pair of tickets and will be heading out in the morning after work. It's a 2.5hr drive but I think it will be worth it.

Backyard Chickens (and Other Birds) ChihuahuaOfDoom • 4mo ago • 97%

The silkie mixes are getting bigger

 They also have a friend 

Backyard Chickens (and Other Birds) ChihuahuaOfDoom • 4mo ago • 96%

A new run I built for my chickens

We lost several chickens this year to predators so no more free roaming. My old run was too small for the flock so I fenced in what used to be our garden and turned it over to the dinosaurs. The old run will accommodate our pullets until they are bigger and can run with the rest of the herd.

Nowhere Else To Share ChihuahuaOfDoom • 4mo ago • 92%

It's been 20 years since My Chemical Romance's Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge released...

I'm not ok.

Mildly Interesting ChihuahuaOfDoom • 4mo ago • 93%

Just a random 3" screw in a freshly opened box of 1-5/8"

I thought maybe I had accidentally put the screw in there myself but my only other box of this color I bought is 3-1/2"

I saw this lot on marketplace yesterday with only 1 photo but I could see 2 of the chassis so I jumped on it. All told there are 6 chassis in various states of dress 40ish motors, 3 pistol transmitters, 8 or more twin stick transmitters, receivers, servos, only 1 or 2 speed controllers, 1 body, and a bunch of other stuff. Tomorrow if I have time I will start to organize, catalog and test everything.